Women all over the Arab world joined in celebrating the outstanding success of Ms Rigal by staging solidarity sit-ins in main squares, parks and strategic locations including popular restaurants, coffee shops and a number of government corporate offices. Held high with pride where signs “We are all Amal Rigal”, “UFAFH here we come” and “Strength in numbers is a mover, strength in nude numbers is a mountain mover”.
Safia Mahdi, an Egyptian university student leading an estimated 500 protesters in a corner of Tahrir Square told reporters while dancing topless that Amal Rigal has achieved nude what no other woman in history achieved fully clothed. “Men may ignore women staging protests to demand full respect of their rights but Amal has proven beyond doubt that protesting naked will force men to pay unbelievable attention and surprising eagerness to join in with the demonstrators as swiftly as possible,” adding, “Men have failed us in every cause – in promoting democracy, in protecting women rights,, in improving living standards and even in beds. We Arab women will liberate the entire Arab world with our pussys and the world will rise in shock and awe and salute our steadfastness and bravery.”
The momentum sweeping the Arab world began in Kuwait early last night when most of Kuwait city was virtually deserted as the majority of its citizens, estimated at 630,000 strong, crammed into the Avenues Mall to voice their support for Ms Amal Rigal, the 2011 Gulf beauty queen and chairperson of the powerful UFAFH, a United Nations approved non-violent, non-profit, fun-loving, social organization.
Ahlam Othman, a Routers correspondent covering the hugely anticipated event, said Ms Rigal led a peaceful protest held at the largest shopping complex in Kuwait to voice strong objection to the increasing intrusion of the influential Religious Industrial Complex (RIC) in the private parts of women in the Islamic World.
As promised, Ms Rigal made her speech to the gathering, one of the largest held in the Gulf countries in almost 50 years, completely naked. More than 400 leading delegates of the UFAFH lined up in rows of 12 women each in front of Ms Rigal with not a single stitch on standing up and then sitting down every 90 seconds to the maddening cheers of the crowd.
Rolling in front of the crowd a protest sheet some nine meters long of major fatwas issued by the RIC and judged by the UFAFH unbearably intrusive in the private parts of Muslim women everywhere, Amal told the crowd: “The RIC has crossed all barriers of decency and common-sense. The life of Muslim women can only be described as living hell and we are all very confused. According to members of the RIC in Saudi Arabia, we cannot have sex with our husbands fully naked. According to the Yemeni members of the RIC in Yemen, we cannot have sex with our husbands fully clothed. According to ibn Abbas we can be screwed by our husbands only sideways. According to ibn Haytham we can be screwed by our husbands only crossways. According to Abu Wafa we can be screwed by our husbands only kneeling forwards. According to Muqatal we can be screwed by our husbands only kneeling backwards. There are sixty four more positions ordered by the RIC nobody seems capable of imagining let alone implementing. We Muslim women at the UFAFH wrote to the RIC that we are willing to be screwed but they have to make up their fucking minds on how to screw us. If they continue on this course they will end up being screwed instead.”
Interrupted by a standing ovation lasting more than 11 minutes, the longest known in the Arab World, Ms Rigal told the increasingly agitated crowed, “Truth be said, we at the UFAFH are already dizzy from turning round for our husbands all the time in bed, so the last thing we need is a carousel of fatwas going round in the opposite direction. According to Al Tabri, the men of science were not unanimous on what to do to us, Muslim women, during period time. Ibn Abbas thought wives should not be screwed when they have their periods, but then qualification – “avoid screwing their pussys”. What does that mean? Screwing something else? We simply don’t know. Our friends Ouf and Mohammad advised that husbands and wives can sleep on the same mattress but with different covers. Fair enough, but would the RIC answer our bloody letters on what color sheets we are allowed to buy before we use them? No.”
Following another standing ovation lasting more than seven minutes Amal said: “Next on the RIC agenda is what to do to us during period time. Aisha said ‘everything is free for the husband except the pussy’. Well done, Aisha, this is the main point in our manifesto but some members want a re-think. Maymoon, on the other hand, thought otherwise: ‘Everything beyond the belly button’. Fair enough but would the RIC answer our bloody letters on which beyond is it – up or down, and are ears included? No.”
And girls, listen to what Mujahed told other men to do to us: “اطعن بذكرك حيث شئت فيما بين الفخذين والأليتين والسرة، ما لم يكن في الدبر أو الحيض.”
‘”You may stab (يطعن) with your penis wherever you please – between the two thighs, between the two hips, in the belly button, wherever, but not the pussy or the bottom.”
Is this the most crucial challenge confronting Islam – where to stab us with your penis during periods? Is the greatest issue deliberated by the greatest scholars of Islam is how to stuff their penises in harmless belly buttons? Is pressing a penis between hips more pressing for the great scholars of Islam than freedom, democracy, poverty, terrorism, human rights, illiteracy, female circumcision, to name but a few?
Shame on you, Mujahed, and on all others like you, including al Tabri, for using the interpretation of the Holy Quran to discuss our private parts. Did it occur to you you are talking about your own daughters as well as the daughters and wives of every Muslim?
And my sisters, I beg all our Arab sisters forgiveness, but I’m going to say in their names: “Men! If you are incapable of treating us like 21st century citizens we want to go back to the time of our Prophet, Allah bless his name. We were respected more and we had more rights.” Now I want to say: seriously, Mujahed, seriously!
We don’t want to stab your belly button so why on earth do you want to stab ours? If the RIC believes women are not safe to touch during periods the bloody husbands can sleep on the bloody couch. Why do you think couches are made for if not for this? But this is not the issue. We are the ones being screwed and stabbed in the belly button and everywhere else. Shouldn’t we be consulted? It is our fucking belly button, you know, shouldn’t men ask for permission first? Do we exist at all except as sex toys and baby bags? Does anybody at the RIC care?
Roaring with “Seriously Mujahed seriously, no sex for you obviously”, UFAFH delegates began moving towards the main exit of the Avenues Mall cheered by the entire citizens of Kuwait. Showered by kisses thrown to them by the delegates, almost half Kuwait’s police force lined up the streets leading to the mall to protect the delegates with fingers raised with the sign of victory and support unusually high, and the fingers parted slightly more than normal.
Our correspondent Ahlam concluded: “Nobody cared about the little inconveniences. Everybody was happy and it was gloriously festive. Consider this as my resignation. I’m joining Amal at the UFAFH as her press secretary. You can e-mail me at email@example.com.”